Today marks my 1 year and 8 months of being single. Here’s what’s on my mind right now.
Being single is a minefield. There are so many wankers out there who fall into the following categories (for the most part). Don’t get me wrong, there are nice guys and I’ll get to that now now, but first here are the bullets that need to be dodged:
– no strings guy
This is the guy that wants to go for drinks and then sex. He will not call, he doesn’t want a relationship and most likely will only respond to texts the day after and then fade out of your life. (If you just want a cheeky bangski then this is your guy, just don’t expect him to fall head over heels for you)
Why he’s dangerous: he might like you as a person, think you’re hot and really enjoy spending time with you. He just doesn’t want to date you.
This guy is in a relationship and looking for a side piece. He most likely will not tell you that you’re his side piece. Your investigation skills have to be on top form. You don’t wanna be a home wrecker.
Why he’s dangerous: do I really need to explain? Once a cheater, always a cheater. That element of dishonesty is a dirty stain that never goes away.
– wants to have his cake and eat it
This guy kinda wants to date you, kinda wants to be your friend, kinda wants to be single, def wants to bang. He doesn’t know what he wants and that’s straight up not fair on you.
Why he’s dangerous: This guy will waste your time. Seriously – he will keep you on that line without any real commitment for as long as possible if you make it convenient for him. Don’t be that girl.
So what about the good guys? They are abundant. Don’t get me wrong. The gentlemen, the kind hearts, the guys who think of you as more than a walking vagina. They’re out there.
They’re either freshly single and not looking for a relationship. Either you have friendzoned them or they have friendzoned you. There’s no chemistry. They’re focusing on something else. Whatever. The list is endless.
Ultimately it comes down to this, if a guy wants to be with you, he will. If he doesn’t then he won’t. Does that make you ugly/gross/basic/stupid/undateable? No. It just means that he doesn’t want to be with you because it’s not what he wants. That’s his decision. Most times it actually doesn’t have much to do with you anyway.
Personally, this is something I struggle with. “Boohoo he doesn’t wanna be with me, there’s something wrong with meeeeee” but the more I think about it the more I realize there isn’t anything terribly wrong with me. I’m loved, I have amazing friends and family and a career and an apartment and a car and all sorts of things that make me happy. So why let my self esteem balance on someone else’s opinion of me?
This is a nasty habit I’m trying to break which I think A LOT of us single ladies are guilty of. I don’t need a man to validate me. You don’t need a man to validate you. Just because he doesn’t want to date you doesn’t mean you’re unworthy or not a great person.
We are powerful beyond measure but we need to realize it and embrace it. We have to be self assured. Confident. Strong.
It’s not easy. But it can be done.