The braai (WVH)

WVH wanted to do something on Tuesday but I ended up having a super kak day so I bailed. Then Wednesday he called saying he wants to see me and wouldn’t take no for an answer. So I thought we were going for drinks or something. No, it ended up being a braai with his friends. 

Don’t get me wrong, I love braais. But meeting a whole bunch of people all at once in that kind of setting can be a little intimidating. 

He also insisted I pack an overnight bag (voorbaarig!) 

Anyway, the braai was fun and the people were nice and friendly and easy to get along with. 

I did end up staying over (no drinking and driving here thanks) 

As nice as the evening was, it helped me to decide that WVH is not the guy for me. He’s cool and all, just not what I’m looking for. 

As my friend Pieter often says: “jy is nou ten minste n vriend ryker”

✅ 

Next!  

 

Sushi date (WVH)

On Friday night I worked as a shooter girl and I was slightly under the influence – was loads of fun, made good tips and met cool people. 

I woke up on Saturday morning to a whatsapp message from a guy (didn’t remember giving it, but do remember kissing him – as one does) 

So anyway, he asked to take me out for lunch today – sushi, at my fav sushi spot in CT so of course I said yes. 

I won’t lie, I was a bit apprehensive because I couldn’t remember if he was good looking or not (the power of beer goggles) but luckily when I got there he wasn’t bad looking. Super tall though shoh. 

We chatted nicely and it was cool to hang out – he is intelligent so it was interesting to talk. 

He paid and then we left, bit of an awkward hug coz he’s tall and I’m weird with hugs (lol) 

He messaged me soon after and asked me to come over for series and cuddles (aka Netflix and Chill) but I said no because I don’t know how I feel about it and that kind of thing just complicates things – or makes ghosting way too easy. I just feel really indecisive at the moment because there’s so much that I want to do and so much I am working towards that I don’t know if I’m ready for anyone right now but I also don’t want to close myself off from opportunities either. 

Not sure how this will pan out but it was a nice afternoon. Glad I went. 

  

Who is Prince Charming

Recently I had a friend tell me how she listed attributes she wanted in mr right – she said she was super specific about it – right down to the type of shoes her dream man would wear. I thought she was being a bit TOO specific but a couple of weeks later, she met him. The guy. WHO WAS WEARING THE SHOES! 

It got me thinking about it and I realised I’ve never actually put it down in black and white what my idea of Prince Charming actually is. And I thought maybe going through that exercise might help me to visualize what I want (and more importantly, what I don’t want.) 

I have a feeling this will be more of a working doc than a static post because I’m sure more and more points will come up. But Prince Charming or Mr Right, if you’re out there then this is you: 

– needs to read 

Whether it’s fiction or non fiction -that’s ok. As long as he regularly reads actual books without pictures, fantastic. (Graphic novels are a solid maybe) 

– into health and fitness 

Not saying he needs to be mr universe. It’s simple: I value my health, I eat healthy and work out and I couldn’t be with someone who didn’t.  

– sense of humour

I can’t imagine being with someone who can’t laugh with me. I want someone who can make me laugh or get a smile out of me even if I’m having a tough day. Laughter and fun is vital in a relationship so that’s a pretty nb quality for my mr right. 

– not a pushover

Can’t be having a relationship with one leader and one follower. I want a team. Compromise. Debate. Passion. 

– not a dictator 

I don’t want someone who thinks his word is law. I’m way too independent for that. 

Some quick things that I’ll explain later: 

– respectful 

– kind (to me and others) 

– passionate 

– positive attitude 

– funny 

– dependable

– confident

– ambitious 

– G-Star Raw

– cats 

– strawberry milkshakes

– beach over forest

– braai master

– must be able to cook

– good relationship with family (if not all then most) 

– South African 

– independent (car/flat/job) 

– no criminal record

– no veldskoene (not as part of daily wear) 

– minimal drama with ex girlfriends 

– single for at least a year 

– must actually want to commit to a real relationship 

– I want him to look at me like I’m the greatest gift the universe ever sent him. And I want to feel the exact same way about him. 

– must have watched and taken note of this video. 

– finds me attractive at any given moment 

– loves cuddles 

– must be chemistry between us 

– passionate (from beliefs to debates to sex) 

– must believe in marriage 

– must want kids 

– must be faithful and not be a cheater (ever) 

– open minded

– not a racist 

– handsy or creative 

…. To be continued 

  

It’s complicated

So, on weekends I work part time at a bar to make a lil extra cash (strong independent woman and all that) and on my first training shift I had an eye contact moment with this guy. Let’s call him ADL. He was walking past with his friends and I happened to look up as he looked in and our eyes connected and there was this zing. (I know it sounds crazy but w/e) he came into the bar and we started talking a little but it was a busy night so it was pretty intermittent. He left and came back later just before my shift ended and he was like please don’t leave before we have spoken.  

On my way out, he asked me for my number and asked me to stay for a drink but I decided to rather head home (it was a long night) 

Anyway that was about a month ago. We have been chatting ever since. We know there’s chemistry, we definitely like each other. There’s just one (big) problem. He’s not single. He has a gf, they’ve been on a “break” for a while. But honestly that doesn’t mean anything. If you have a girlfriend then you ate not single whether you’re on a break or not. 

Two of my best girl friends both know him from school days and both of them say he wasn’t a good guy back in the day and that while he might have changed since then, both of them said he’s not the one for me. 

It’s such a pity because I really enjoy talking to him and there’s definitely something there. But the gf thing and a crazy past? Not ideal. Not Prince Charming. 
I’m seeing him later, and I’m gonna ask him (again) about the gf story. It could be that maybe I’ve just built it all up in my head. But I don’t think so. 

Just had to jot it down here. I’ll update everything later. 

Update: I ended things with ADL. Not that it was anything serious but I told him I don’t want to chat anymore because it’s too complicated and he needs to sort his shit out with his gf rather than chatting to other girls and I don’t want to be hurt because he can’t make up his mind what he wants. 

We haven’t spoken since I told him that on Monday but I saw his profile pic has changed to   him and his gf kissing so I guess that’s that. Does it hurt? A little. Was I expecting it? No, but I’m not surprised either. 

I’ll be ok. I always am. 

 

Lonelyyyyyyy

Loneliness is part and parcel of being single. It happens. You go on Facebook and see everyone loving life, getting engaged/married/pregnant (on purpose) and you’re like “oh hey there season 5 of 30 Rock and low cal hot chocolate how you doing?” (That’s me right now – glamorous hey?) 

I’m trying to rationalize and not feel down about the fact that I don’t have anyone on the horizon. Or feel down about the fact that after a couple too many tequilas I made a royal chop of myself trying to go for a guy who seriously was not interested *cringe* 

I know that there’s someone out there destined to fall in love with me who I’m sure I will love with every fibre of my being. I knoooow he’s out there. But what if he’s on some obscure island that no one has ever heard of. Or worse – what if he’s in Joburg?! 

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like absolutely no one is interested. There’s one or two (prob a couple more who would bang no hesitation) but that’s not what I am looking for at all. A good friend of mine told me to visualize my mr right and really be specific about it. And so far no one has come close enough. I hate feeling lonely but I would way rather be alone than settle. Oh and before  you think I’m being too fussy I haven’t refined my list yet and it pretty much goes: 

– no criminal record

– definitely single 

– not a druggie 

– has a job, car, place to live

– into fitness/health 

– can braai and make steak. 

See? That’s a pretty broad net. 

I think I’m just a little worn down today because I look around and see so many people with their person. I know that I’m not supposed to judge my self worth based on my relationship status but it’s tough not to. I’ve met soooo many people this year alone and yet nothing has come of it. It’s easy to get despondent and get bleak about it – and I’m sure it’s perfectly normal to feel the way I do right now. I also know this feeling will pass. I just really needed to get this out of my head so I can sleep. 

Here’s to being a topsy turvy single woman in Cape Town. Lord knows it’s not easy.  

 

Wham bam

   

 Our dating culture sucks. 

Match on tinder, chat and banter, meet up, bang or don’t bang, bye have a nice life. (Something along those lines anyway)

In essence there’s nothing wrong with having a couple of casual interactions – sex is a basic human need after all. 

The problem comes when it keeps happening and nothing meaningful comes of it, you start to feel like a piece of meat. You start to wonder what’s wrong with you. Why don’t these guys fall head over heels in love with you the second their P hits your V?

I don’t have the answer (believe me I wish I did) but here’s what I’ve been thinking: 

1) we make it too easy 

I was chatting to one of my best guy friends and something he said got stuck in my brain. Basically he said that some girls make it so easy to get in and be casual. while they might be amazing girls they present no challenge. “We are hunters Dom, easy meat is edible but it’s not a prize” 

2) the definition of insanity 

Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. 

It pretty much explains my point but just to take it a step further: if the first guy didn’t fall for you instantly, and the second didn’t either then chances are, the third (fourth, fifth) won’t either. 

So now what? 

I’m trying to do things a little differently. Am I still on tinder? Yup. Am I still going to meet guys from tinder. Most likely. Am I doing the whole casual thing? No. Not anymore. Why? Because I don’t like wondering why they don’t want to date me. I don’t like that feeling of insecurity. I don’t like the fact that I fell into the trap of placing my self worth in someone else’s hands. 

Rather than obsessing over someone else’s opinion, I’m trying to build up my own opinion of myself. I’m learning to value the person I am. Because that’s way more important that any guy in the world. Even Prince Charming.